I often think about the deep pain I’ve experienced as being meant for something more. It’s meant to help someone who is struggling more than I am. It’s meant to bring me character growth like nothing else ever could.
It might be difficult to look forward when you are so use to looking back. But, I promise you God will be there to keep you going. Nothing is impossible with him by your side.
God, provide me with what I need most. & heal my heart & soul from pain & sorrow. Please, allow the hurt that I have felt help mold my character & turn it into something good in my life.
“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’ ”
You know the feeling when someone really hurts you? I don’t mean your feelings are just a bit wounded. I am talking about someone who completely rips out your heart and then throws it out in the street just to drive on over it again (okay, dramatic I know). If you haven’t gone through this type of heartbreak, I’m happy for you. It is one of the most painful obstacles you will ever have to maneuver through.
I’ve been hurt quite few times in my life by other people. Yeah, those have been sometimes damaging circumstances to work through. But, honestly compared to real heartbreak being hurt is a walk in the park. True heartbreak is something that I don’t want to ever have to go through again. But, I am SO glad I did. In the times where I looked in the mirror and tears were streaming down my face did I finally start recognizing who I was. In the midst of all of the pain, I realized that he wasn’t what I wanted and he lacked what I truly need in a man. It took time for me to heal and get to a place where I can say that I am fully over that part of my past.
However, for some time there was something holding me back….I wasn’t wholeheartedly forgiving. I was holding on to past resentment and it was not only hindering my ability to completely move on, but it was crippling my growth as a person. & sometimes I honestly believed I had forgiven him, but then I would feel bitterness towards him for breaking my heart. The truth was I had NOT forgiven him.
Until I was able to (with a lot of prayer) forgive him, I didn’t feel like I was able to move on entirely. & let me tell you…forgiving someone is so freeing. Whether they said sorry or not you should strive to forgive someone so that you can be free you from feeling that pain anymore. Sure, over time something might remind you of that person and you will feel a bit of a sting. But, it won’t be constant anymore, it won’t be at the center of your thoughts and feelings when you’re alone. Forgiveness will offer you more peace, hope and a brighter future.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Going to the gym has been a part of my life for a while now. In high school, I started going to the gym. But, I wasn’t really going for the right reasons. I spent most of my time doing cardio. & I thought that my goal was to be skinny. I did lose weight but I wasn’t gaining anything physically or mentally.
In college, I started to lift weights more but not heavier. Even though I was eating more I wasn’t eating the right food to build muscle plus I was doing excess cardio. The summer of 2017 I started to eat less and less and went from my normal 115 pounds to around 110. & then when my dad passed away that I stopped going to the gym altogether.
In the new year of 2018 something clicked for me. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. Maybe it was because of all the emotional pain I was going through that made me want to start training harder than ever before. I didn’t have someone to teach me how to lift or how to count my macro-nutrients. I had to learn from trial and error. I still change up my workout routine but I have gained so much more than muscle over this past year, I’ve gained a new perspective of myself and who I want to be.
The gym is a mental escape for me. It has given me the ability to become healthier both physically and mentally. The gym isn’t for everyone. I use to dread going to the gym. & there are still times when I do. There are times when that is the last thing I want to do when I’ve had a long day or I’m exhausted from not enough sleep. However, I know that once I finish my workout that it will not only make me one step closer to my goals but it will lift my mood in a way nothing else can.
Lifting weights has given me confidence and the ability to love myself again. I was broken and I tried to rely on other people to help piece me back together. But, I was the one that had to do that. Not to say that God wasn’t a big reason on how I got to a better mental state. But, there were times when I was so angry with God for all of the pain I was going through. & going to the gym was sometimes the ONLY thing that would get me out of bed. & it is something that has given me the happiness and strength.
I’m growing. I’m changing. & most importantly I’m becoming someone better than I use to be. I could’ve resulted to drinking more or smoking weed like I use to. I could’ve tried some other unhealthy type of distraction from the pain. However, I chose to channel the pain into something great, something I wouldn’t regret. & because of that I am becoming someone stronger and more courageous than I have ever been.