I often think about the deep pain I’ve experienced as being meant for something more. It’s meant to help someone who is struggling more than I am. It’s meant to bring me character growth like nothing else ever could.
It might be difficult to look forward when you are so use to looking back. But, I promise you God will be there to keep you going. Nothing is impossible with him by your side.
God, provide me with what I need most. & heal my heart & soul from pain & sorrow. Please, allow the hurt that I have felt help mold my character & turn it into something good in my life.
“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’ ”
God, thank you for providing me with godly loving people in my life. Thank you for allowing my strengths to help them in times of weakness. & thank you for supplying me with those people that can help me in any area that I am not strong in. I pray that you will continue to provide me with people who will encourage me to grow in my faith & into who you want me to be
“We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints.”
Colossians 1:3-4 EVS
You know the feeling when someone really hurts you? I don’t mean your feelings are just a bit wounded. I am talking about someone who completely rips out your heart and then throws it out in the street just to drive on over it again (okay, dramatic I know). If you haven’t gone through this type of heartbreak, I’m happy for you. It is one of the most painful obstacles you will ever have to maneuver through.
I’ve been hurt quite few times in my life by other people. Yeah, those have been sometimes damaging circumstances to work through. But, honestly compared to real heartbreak being hurt is a walk in the park. True heartbreak is something that I don’t want to ever have to go through again. But, I am SO glad I did. In the times where I looked in the mirror and tears were streaming down my face did I finally start recognizing who I was. In the midst of all of the pain, I realized that he wasn’t what I wanted and he lacked what I truly need in a man. It took time for me to heal and get to a place where I can say that I am fully over that part of my past.
However, for some time there was something holding me back….I wasn’t wholeheartedly forgiving. I was holding on to past resentment and it was not only hindering my ability to completely move on, but it was crippling my growth as a person. & sometimes I honestly believed I had forgiven him, but then I would feel bitterness towards him for breaking my heart. The truth was I had NOT forgiven him.
Until I was able to (with a lot of prayer) forgive him, I didn’t feel like I was able to move on entirely. & let me tell you…forgiving someone is so freeing. Whether they said sorry or not you should strive to forgive someone so that you can be free you from feeling that pain anymore. Sure, over time something might remind you of that person and you will feel a bit of a sting. But, it won’t be constant anymore, it won’t be at the center of your thoughts and feelings when you’re alone. Forgiveness will offer you more peace, hope and a brighter future.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Without hope, life will lack purpose. It will not only lack purpose but it will dissolve who you are. A loss of hope has the ability to transform even the strongest people to despair. Hope is a part of human existence that many people may overlook. It is necessary to hope in order to live life to its fullest capacity. I believe that hope can bring us peace even during the most arduous circumstances.
Hope to have a better life. Hope to see loved ones again in a new life. Hope that life is extended beyond earth. Hope to advance in your career or exceed expectations of yourself for your loved ones and God. It is when we grow in hope and faith that we are able to see a light at the end of a dark tunnel. Hope grants us the strength to surpass the difficulties that lie ahead. We should use our moments of misfortune to truly grow in hopefulness. Hope will bring us a sense of tranquility in life that nothing else quite can. Through God we can find hope and faith and receive utter happiness.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Something I have had to come to terms with over the past few years is how people can easily come and go from my life. People aren’t promised in life to always be there. However, God has promised to always be there. No matter what He is here with me. He is there in my darkest moments when I am scared, anxious or upset.
I don’t always feel Him with me. & sometimes I question His motives in my life or question who He is. But, He doesn’t stray away from me no matter what kind of doubts I may have. & in those moments of doubt I pray. Once I am able to gain more clarity I feel like I have a closer more fulfilling relationship with Him.
When I am feeling hopeless and confused are the times I should pray the most. Sometimes I don’t pray as I should or I ask for things that I may not receive. God knows what I need and He can give that to me whether it is what I have asked for or not. I pray because I feel relieved when I do. I pray because it helps me build a stronger connection with God. & I know He will be able to be there for me in a way that no one else can.
& I believe that no matter what you believe in you should pray. Pray for a better life and for your loved ones. Pray for a better world and future. Pray for positive outcomes and courage to push forward. Praying is essential for life and even if people don’t believe in God I would still encourage them to put their energy into the universe. God loves His children & I believe there are ways the universe gives back to what we have given it.
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
How A New Relationship Works
In the midst of finding yourself in a new relationship you feel overjoyed at the ability to really be able to connect with someone new. It feels as if the universe has aligned you with this new person and you fantasize about the new possibilities the future has for the both of you. You may also find yourself making this new person a priority over others or your hobbies causing your new partner to become the center of your life.
My Experience & What It Taught Me
In my last relationship I made my world revolve around my ex. We started to date when I was in high school and I hung out with friends and had other activities I participated in then. However, when we went to college together I made him the main priority in my life. He was my best friend and I felt like I only ever wanted to be with him. I didn’t seem to care about making more connections and friendships in college.
After three years we broke up. It was when I was alone that I regretted my decision on making him such a primary person in my life. It also took us breaking up for me to realize that I had been chasing a career that was far from what I truly wanted. It took me experiencing heart break and pain to come to terms with the life that I wasn’t fully living.
Why He Wasn’t The One
It was me who always tried to plan things and push him to be better. It was me who wanted more for us and our relationship. It was me who wanted to fight for us and what we had. He never challenged me or himself. I feel like he did have love for me but not on the same level of love I had for him. I put him on this pedestal because of how in love I was with him. But, honestly we were never going to be right for each other and I was surely never going to grow with him. It was his loss and my gain. It was him walking away from us that gave me more of a sense of self. It gave me the ability to know what I do and don’t want in a person.
He wasn’t a bad first love but I do realize now how much more I deserve. It is in that moment of realization that all of the relationship can be truly seen for what it is. It is in that moment where you realize that life is full of lessons. & one of the biggest lessons I have taken away from going through heart break is to never settle for less. It is important to be patient and attract the right kind of partner by working on yourself. It is when you start working on bettering and loving yourself that you will find someone that is a good match for every part of who you are. Don’t lose sight of what you deserve. Real authentic love is out there and it starts with you.
A snapshot of my life
I never had the perfect life but my life was never difficult either. I grew up in a good family. Even though my parents were divorced I was still able to spend an equal amount of time with both of them. I had a great childhood and I spent the first nine years in California and then my family decided to move to Washington. At the time I was devastated but the move gave me the best memories, friends and experiences that I will hold onto for a lifetime. I graduated high school in 2015 and decided to go off to college. I already had my AA degree and decided to aim to finish up my prerequisites for nursing school. This seemed like exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Everything seemed like it was falling into place.
In August of 2017 is when my life started to change. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. This allowed me to see myself in a different light. The career I once wanted didn’t seem like my own anymore. I felt like I was chasing a dream that was distant from what I had imagined for myself. So, I decided to not go to nursing school and go back and finish up my bachelor’s degree. This was not an easy decision but the doubt I was feeling was consuming who I was and who I am meant to be. In November, my life took a turn for the worse when my dad passed away suddenly. This was by far the experience that changed me the most. To this day, I am not fully healed. I don’t imagine myself healing completely now if ever. It’s more of a lifestyle change to become accustomed to. & there are some days I still feel like I’m not okay. But, I’ve learned so much about myself and developed such a closer relationship to God because of it. During this time I also got involved with another guy who left me even more broken than I was before.
Why am I telling you this…
I want to share a small part of who I am and some of the events I have been through that have shaped me into who I am today. I am lucky, it could’ve been worse. But, it could’ve been a whole lot better too. & this is my story.
I am still learning, growing and continuing on my life journey to become my authentic self. I don’t know if anyone will even read my blog. & it is not my intention to have an immaculate blog. I aspire to give people hope for a better future despite their circumstances. & let me tell you that no matter what there will always be hope.
“You aren’t what’s happened to you, you are how you’ve overcome it.” -Beau Taplin