You know the feeling when someone really hurts you? I don’t mean your feelings are just a bit wounded. I am talking about someone who completely rips out your heart and then throws it out in the street just to drive on over it again (okay, dramatic I know). If you haven’t gone through this type of heartbreak, I’m happy for you. It is one of the most painful obstacles you will ever have to maneuver through.
I’ve been hurt quite few times in my life by other people. Yeah, those have been sometimes damaging circumstances to work through. But, honestly compared to real heartbreak being hurt is a walk in the park. True heartbreak is something that I don’t want to ever have to go through again. But, I am SO glad I did. In the times where I looked in the mirror and tears were streaming down my face did I finally start recognizing who I was. In the midst of all of the pain, I realized that he wasn’t what I wanted and he lacked what I truly need in a man. It took time for me to heal and get to a place where I can say that I am fully over that part of my past.
However, for some time there was something holding me back….I wasn’t wholeheartedly forgiving. I was holding on to past resentment and it was not only hindering my ability to completely move on, but it was crippling my growth as a person. & sometimes I honestly believed I had forgiven him, but then I would feel bitterness towards him for breaking my heart. The truth was I had NOT forgiven him.
Until I was able to (with a lot of prayer) forgive him, I didn’t feel like I was able to move on entirely. & let me tell you…forgiving someone is so freeing. Whether they said sorry or not you should strive to forgive someone so that you can be free you from feeling that pain anymore. Sure, over time something might remind you of that person and you will feel a bit of a sting. But, it won’t be constant anymore, it won’t be at the center of your thoughts and feelings when you’re alone. Forgiveness will offer you more peace, hope and a brighter future.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Life as we know it is passing us by. We consume information day in & day out about the world around us. We often see the world through our eyes and perceive it just as we would like to. What we read and listen to can provide us room to grow or it can slowly tear a part who we are meant to be.
I talk a lot about the person we are meant to be because each and every one of us are here for a purpose. Now, just think about that for a minute….purpose. We are on this earth and were created for purpose. No matter how small, purpose is purpose. Just because not all of us will be lawyers, doctors or have some extravagant career does not diminish our purpose here on earth. Contrary to popular belief, our careers & upbringings do not define who we are or supply us with our entire purpose. Those things may bring us on our purpose driven path but in no way do they determine our purpose.
Do purpose and what we consume correlate?
In my opinion, yes. What our purpose is and what we put into our every day lives most certainly correlates. If all you are consuming is rap music and movies with heavy sexual content and language you are in a way changing your outlook on life. Okay, don’t get me wrong I do enjoy some rap music and some movies I want to see do have explicit graphics and or language.
But, let me tell you one thing; as soon as I started reading or listening to the Bible and books about spiritual or personal growth and integrating what I learned into my life did I finally see the growth in my character that I was longing for. When I stopped consuming so much television & social media and took time to read, self-reflect and journal did I actually start on what I believe is my purpose. Everyone has their own theory on how they can become their best self. But, why not take time to invest in yourself? One thing I invested in is spending long car rides to work or the store with something as simple as audiobooks. I promise you, the right audiobooks for personal and or spiritual growth will allow you to look at life from a whole new outlook and or be inspired in a new way.
My suggestion: To be more mindful of what you choose to consume. It doesn’t have to be a lot of your time but incorporating information for growth and diminishing time on social media and or television will provide you a better sense of purpose and self.
How A New Relationship Works
In the midst of finding yourself in a new relationship you feel overjoyed at the ability to really be able to connect with someone new. It feels as if the universe has aligned you with this new person and you fantasize about the new possibilities the future has for the both of you. You may also find yourself making this new person a priority over others or your hobbies causing your new partner to become the center of your life.
My Experience & What It Taught Me
In my last relationship I made my world revolve around my ex. We started to date when I was in high school and I hung out with friends and had other activities I participated in then. However, when we went to college together I made him the main priority in my life. He was my best friend and I felt like I only ever wanted to be with him. I didn’t seem to care about making more connections and friendships in college.
After three years we broke up. It was when I was alone that I regretted my decision on making him such a primary person in my life. It also took us breaking up for me to realize that I had been chasing a career that was far from what I truly wanted. It took me experiencing heart break and pain to come to terms with the life that I wasn’t fully living.
Why He Wasn’t The One
It was me who always tried to plan things and push him to be better. It was me who wanted more for us and our relationship. It was me who wanted to fight for us and what we had. He never challenged me or himself. I feel like he did have love for me but not on the same level of love I had for him. I put him on this pedestal because of how in love I was with him. But, honestly we were never going to be right for each other and I was surely never going to grow with him. It was his loss and my gain. It was him walking away from us that gave me more of a sense of self. It gave me the ability to know what I do and don’t want in a person.
He wasn’t a bad first love but I do realize now how much more I deserve. It is in that moment of realization that all of the relationship can be truly seen for what it is. It is in that moment where you realize that life is full of lessons. & one of the biggest lessons I have taken away from going through heart break is to never settle for less. It is important to be patient and attract the right kind of partner by working on yourself. It is when you start working on bettering and loving yourself that you will find someone that is a good match for every part of who you are. Don’t lose sight of what you deserve. Real authentic love is out there and it starts with you.