God’s Plan

I feel like everyone has this idea in their mind about the life they want to live and the kind of person they want to become. Sometimes our life becomes blurred with trials, twists & turns. & we lose sight of who we are and what we need. God wants us to have everything He has promised to us. & that is why it is essential for God’s plan to be followed.

For me, I have always believed and valued God’s word. However, I didn’t live through it, I didn’t allow it to be the foundation of my life.  I could tell that I wasn’t as happy as I could be. & I was looking for fulfillment in all the wrong places. I was building an unhealthy attachment to people, places and things. I was seeking something I would never find in any of those aspects of life. But, I should’ve been seeking God and what he has in store for me.

I have been reluctant in the past to take on His path because that would require me to listen to all of His word not just the bits and pieces that align with what I want. I have learned over time that what I need is far more vital than what I want. Life isn’t meant to be lived to please ourselves. There is so much more to life than that. It is far more critical to look deeper and seek your spirituality and begin to recollect the person that God made you to be and the person you are suppose to become.

God’s plan may not be the plan you have for yourself. I know there are things I want that I may never receive because it is not what I need. & what I need is God & direction towards a brighter future through Him. His timing is the best timing. & not everything will always be good. But, I am willing to continue on His path & commit to follow His plan.


How Fitness Changed Me

Going to the gym has been a part of my life for a while now. In high school, I started going to the gym. But, I wasn’t really going for the right reasons. I spent most of my time doing cardio. & I thought that my goal was to be skinny. I did lose weight but I wasn’t gaining anything physically or mentally.

In college, I started to lift weights more but not heavier. Even though I was eating more I wasn’t eating the right food to build muscle plus I was doing excess cardio. The summer of 2017 I started to eat less and less and went from my normal 115 pounds to around 110. & then when my dad passed away that I stopped going to the gym altogether.

In the new year of 2018 something clicked for me. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. Maybe it was because of all the emotional pain I was going through that made me want to start training harder than ever before. I didn’t have someone to teach me how to lift or how to count my macro-nutrients. I  had to learn from trial and error. I still change up my workout routine but I have gained so much more than muscle over this past year, I’ve gained a new perspective of myself and who I want to be.

The gym is a mental escape for me. It has given me the ability to become healthier both physically and mentally. The gym isn’t for everyone. I use to dread going to the gym. & there are still times when I do. There are times when that is the last thing I want to do when I’ve had a long day or I’m exhausted from not enough sleep. However, I know that once I finish my workout that it will not only make me one step closer to my goals but it will lift my mood in a way nothing else can.

Lifting weights has given me confidence and the ability to love myself again. I was broken and I tried to rely on other people to help piece me back together. But, I was the one that had to do that. Not to say that God wasn’t a big reason on how I got to a better mental state. But, there were times when I was so angry with God for all of the pain I was going through. & going to the gym was sometimes the ONLY thing that would get me out of bed. & it is something that has given me the happiness and strength.

I’m growing. I’m changing. & most importantly I’m becoming someone better than I use to be. I could’ve resulted to drinking more or smoking weed like I use to. I could’ve tried some other unhealthy type of distraction from the pain. However, I chose to channel the pain into something great, something I wouldn’t regret. & because of that I am becoming someone stronger and more courageous than I have ever been.

Love vs. Lust

In today’s society love and lust are easily interchangeable. There is a reason why people typically seem to “fall in love” faster than ever before. It could also be because of the way media perceives love.

Usually it goes like this: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl sleep together. Now, the next part can go one of three ways. The boy and girl could pursue something more, continue just casually sleeping together or cut off contact altogether. & then something confusing happens if the boy & girl continue to sleep together. Most likely they will start to develop feelings. It is easier for the girl to become attached during this time. Even if the guy isn’t good for her the girl will convince herself based on what she feels in her heart instead of listening to her mind.

Sex clouds judgement. It makes people think that this person is “the one” because of the sexual compatibility. However, sex can make us overlook certain aspects of a person. Sex is the most intimate connection to gain with someone. & therefore, it is what can make us stay blindly in a relationship not good for us.

Lust is wanting to be intimate with someone constantly. Love is wanting to be with someone constantly. Love is sharing experiences. Lust is sharing the bed. Love is caring and selfless. Lust is selfish and carefree. Love is patient and kind. Lust is what gives us false hope for the future. Love is what makes us believe in a future.

This is why sex is suppose to be saved for marriage. Couples who wait until they are married are way less likely to become divorced. Sex is what connects people. If you aren’t the kind of person who can abstain from sex. It is critical to at least really take time to know someone before moving forward to the intimate relationship you want. Sex can make you settle, rob you of happiness and prevent you from finding true love. It is vital to wait for someone that is deserving of your heart, mind, body & soul. Anyone can be sexually compatible. It is the way we are made. However, not everyone is emotionally and spiritually compatible for you. It is important to fight the urge and wait for as long as you can to make the decision. It will be in your heart’s best interest. & will save you a lot of heartbreak down the road.

Pray Often

Something I have had to come to terms with over the past few years is how people can easily come and go from my life. People aren’t promised in life to always be there. However, God has promised to always be there. No matter what He is here with me. He is there in my darkest moments when I am scared, anxious or upset.

I don’t always feel Him with me.  & sometimes I question His motives in my life or question who He is. But, He doesn’t stray away from me no matter what kind of doubts I may have. & in those moments of doubt I pray. Once I am able to gain more clarity I feel like I have a closer more fulfilling relationship with Him.

When I am feeling hopeless and confused are the times I should pray the most. Sometimes I don’t pray as I should or I ask for things that I may not receive. God knows what I need and He can give that to me whether it is what I have asked for or not. I pray because I feel relieved when I do. I pray because it helps me build a stronger connection with God. & I know He will be able to be there for me in a way that no one else can.

& I believe that no matter what you believe in you should pray. Pray for a better life and for your loved ones. Pray for a better world and future. Pray for positive outcomes and courage to push forward. Praying is essential for life and even if people don’t believe in God I would still encourage them to put their energy into the universe. God loves His children & I believe there are ways the universe gives back to what we have given it.

Isaiah 41:10

“So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Be Brave

It is even in the toughest times that being brave is so essential. It is when I am scared of the result that I should push forward even harder. It is when I am scared of rejection or failure that I should keep going. Being brave isn’t about just not being afraid its about pushing yourself to reach new heights in your life. It is about striving to go forward to become the person God has destined you to be. Being brave can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people, but to me it means to live life to the fullest without regret. & to do so I have to be brave. Any day could be my last day and I need to attempt to put aside my fear so that I can live the best possible life.

Happiness In Your Career Matters

Money Won’t Complete You

I remember reading a statistic that states after a certain amount of money your level of happiness doesn’t go up. It wasn’t $100,000 either. It was just around 50,000 dollars. After that, our joy of raises or making more money is only short lived. Money matters the most to people when we want it to be able to cover all of the utilities, bills and other types of life necessities. I mean yes, money can buy all sorts of “happiness.” More money usually gives us the ability to buy nicer things and go on better vacations. But, for most people constantly spending money is only a means of filling some sort of void. Money doesn’t make you who you are and it doesn’t make you superior to someone else. It can make you be able to buy things how you please. And that in itself is not the best way to live.

Career Change

I remember when I first picked nursing as a career I wanted to pursue. It was a career that offered growth, opportunity and I would be able to make good money doing it. Aside from those main bullet points I wanted to help people which is still my deepest desire in life. But, I didn’t pick this career for the right reasons or because it was a career I thought fit me best. I picked it because it was there and ready for the chasing. It was a dream I chased in high school and started chasing my way through college. It wasn’t until I got into nursing school and did some soul searching did I find myself not able to wrap my heart around this as my passion. It was when I  sat in an orientation seminar for nursing school that I found myself lost. I was lost somewhere that was suppose to pull me closer to myself.

This was a turning point for me. I was finally able to admit to myself that this wasn’t what I wanted. & then I was able to catch sight of something that maybe was. I started down a path to look into occupational therapy. I went back to finish my bachelor’s and I wanted to learn more about this career. & guess what? It offered more money & more growth than nursing. It made me feel like this was what I was looking for.

Why I Picked Wrong Again

The careers I was choosing wasn’t based on who I was. It was based on what I thought I wanted. I thought I wanted a career that offered a good starting salary and the opportunity to advance in my education so that I could become more successful. But, these careers aren’t what I am destined to do because they aren’t careers that align with my strengths as a person. My inner soul would never be truly satisfied by these careers because they aren’t what would bring me closer to my true authentic self.

What Completes Me

My heart hurts for the girl I use to be. The woman I was trying to convince myself that I was. I feel sorry for her but she isn’t me anymore. I am not someone who will easily give up or stop trying when things get tough. That isn’t why I have changed my mind. It is because God is guiding me towards something far better than I would’ve imagined for myself. & I feel like I have fought back from letting it in for a long time. I knew I needed to focus in on what my strengths are as a person and how those can align with what I’m not only gifted at but what I would love to do.

I know that helping people through their difficult moments and coaching them to the right solution is something I have always done with my friends, family and even in my other work environments. It is that moment that someone is able to have clarity in their life and use my advice to their advantage that fills me with purpose. So, I have set out to apply for graduate school to become a counselor. Going to a counselor myself solidified that it was what I need to do. It is when I step out of a coaching session with my counselor and I am able to come closer to healing and learning more about myself that I feel utterly relieved. It is something that has brought me to a better place and it is what I want to become in order to provide that for someone else.

I believe that sometimes it takes failure or even going down a wrong path (maybe a few) to bring you right where you need to be. After graduate school, I see big things for myself. I see myself opening up my own practice, getting certified in grief counseling and maybe getting a PhD and writing a book.  I know that I may change my mind on exactly what I want to do. However, I will still feel accomplished no matter what because this is the right path for me. I feel as if the universe and God are directing me towards a new kind a life. Not everything in my life will be easy. It will be challenging and I will have to work hard to achieve what I want. But, at least it will be a life that will provide me with happiness. & happiness is definitely something worth living for and striving towards.

“Choose a job you love, and you will never work a day in your life.”


Never Settle For Less

How A New Relationship Works

In the midst of finding yourself in a new relationship you feel overjoyed at the ability to really be able to connect with someone new. It feels as if the universe has aligned you with this new person and you fantasize about the new possibilities the future has for the both of you. You may also find yourself making this new person a priority over others or your hobbies causing your new partner to become the center of your life.

My Experience & What It Taught Me

In my last relationship I made my world revolve around my ex. We started to date when I was in high school and I hung out with friends and had other activities I participated in then. However, when we went to college together I made him the main priority in my life. He was my best friend and I felt like I only ever wanted to be with him. I didn’t seem to care about making more connections and friendships in college.

After three years we broke up. It was when I was alone that I regretted my decision on making him such a primary person in my life. It also took us breaking up for me to realize that I had been chasing a career that was far from what I truly wanted. It took me experiencing heart break and pain to come to terms with the life that I wasn’t fully living.

Why He Wasn’t The One

It was me who always tried to plan things and push him to be better. It was me who wanted more for us and our relationship. It was me who wanted to fight for us and what we had. He never challenged me or himself. I feel like he did have love for me but not on the same level of love I had for him. I put him on this pedestal because of how in love I was with him. But, honestly we were never going to be right for each other and I was surely never going to grow with him. It was his loss and my gain. It was him walking away from us that gave me more of a sense of self. It gave me the ability to know what I do and don’t want in a person.

He wasn’t a bad first love but I do realize now how much more I deserve. It is in that moment of realization that all of the relationship can be truly seen for what it is. It is in that moment where you realize that life is full of lessons. & one of the biggest lessons I have taken away from going through heart break is to never settle for less. It is important to be patient and attract the right kind of partner by working on yourself. It is when you start working on bettering and loving yourself that you will find someone that is a good match for every part of who you are. Don’t lose sight of what you deserve. Real authentic love is out there and it starts with you.

Living With Grief

If you don’t feel through it, you won’t get through it.

I am a firm believer in feeling through your emotions even if that means it is a painful thing to do. Pain is essential to growth and healing. People that don’t spend time grieving can often have the unresolved grief appear years later which can make it even more painful and difficult to manage. It is beneficial to allow yourself to feel & grieve when needed. Keeping yourself busy, taking up new activities and generating goals for yourself are important to move forward. However, don’t do these things as a means of pure distraction.

It is important to try to fill your life with happiness but it that shouldn’t mean avoiding your feelings. While it is good to stay busy and focused it is also just as good to give yourself breaks to think, self-reflect and feel the emotions if needed. It may be hard to allow yourself to do so but healing from pain is what causes growth and for me it has been a motivator to push forward.

Everyone Experiences Grief Differently

Grief is what people feel when they lose someone or something of great value to them. This can happen when someone goes through a breakup, loss of a job, or the death of a loved one. Most people will experience a form or many forms of grief throughout their life. It is a difficult process to go through and even can be scary to face. & no one experiences the same kind of grief.

When my dad passed away, I had multiple people confront me and tell me about the loss of their loved ones. I will never forget the remarks only a few people made to me. They had told me that even though we lost the same person in our lives my grief process would be far different than theirs.

We all possess differences. We all have different backgrounds, cultures and experiences. So, it makes sense that no one would have the same journey with their grief as I would. This made me feel that even though I have the ability to relate to others it also gave me the ability to free expectations others had of me with where I was with my grief.

Uniqueness is Greatness

My grief journey is unique to me. However, there have been times when I felt those similar emotions that everyone feels. I’ve felt angry, denial and depression but not always in that order and sometimes it was in a never ending cycle. There aren’t always specific stages that will determine your grief duration or intensity. It is specific to you.

Don’t be afraid to go weeks or months without feeling something and then you feel it again. It doesn’t mean you are broken. It doesn’t mean you aren’t healing. It means you are human & as a human it is your right to be able to feel. It is a blessing to be able to feel. So, feel through the pain and make it your own. It will make you appreciate love & happiness more. & eventually you may find it empowering when you start to build on that pain to be able to create your better self. The pain will guide you towards who you are suppose to be.

Whenever I feel like I want to give up. I always think of the way my dad would want me to live. & he would want me to live life to its fullest capacity and chase all of the dreams that I want to make for myself. So, that is exactly what I do. It is okay to fall but get back up and live again.

Don’t Neglect Your Time Alone

Personal Growth Is Important

It is true that you don’t know who you truly are until you are alone. I’m not talking about alone as in you still go on dates and have a bunch of other potential partners that you talk to. I’m talking about months of being in complete solitude. After the last guy  encounter I had (awful) I decided that when the new year started I was going to go on a  dating fast for 3 months (& it feels like it is still going…). But, it has been good for me. I personally dedicated those 3 months to Christ to get to know Him & to journal. & at first it felt unusual not depending on someone else to do nice things for me or to give me compliments. However, it gave me the chance to read some great books about dating & personal growth & do a lot of self-reflection. This allowed me to get to a better understanding of who I was and the kind of person I want to become. I believe that not being dependent on another person gave me the chance to tap into a side of myself I never knew.

On the flip side…

There are a lot of people who are able to always be in a relationship and still experience growth. But, I believe that real growth comes from within. It comes when you are reading a book in total silence or laughing by yourself to your favorite Netflix show. Real personal growth comes from loving who you are and enjoying yourself especially in the midst of being alone. It’s about seeing your flaws and fixing the ones you can and accepting the ones you can’t because you realize that you are beautiful anyways. There were instances when I dreaded being alone or I was sad that no one was there to comfort me. However, I have learned so much about myself and that has made me grow into more of who I am for the right person. I needed time alone to be able to grow so that when the right person comes along we can have the ability to grow stronger together.

Books I’d Especially Recommend

Side Note: These books are in no particular order. Some of the books are coming from a religious standpoint but still have a lot of good information. The last four books are from a Catholic perspective. I am not Catholic but I still really enjoyed these books.

Successful Women Think Differently: 9 Habits to Make You Happier, Healthier, and More Resilient By: Valerie Burton

Courage By: Debbie Ford

Getting Back Out There: Secrets to Successful Dating and Finding Real Love After the Big Breakup By: Susan J. Elliot

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You By: Susan J. Elliot

How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul: 21 Secrets for Women By: Crystalina Evert & Jason Evert

If You Really Loved Me By: Jason Evert

Dating Detox: 40 Days of Perfecting Love in an Imperfect World By: Kevin Cotter (I read this twice during my dating detox).

Emotional Virtue By: Sarah Swafford


Life Unexpected

A snapshot of my life

I never had the perfect life but my life was never difficult either. I grew up in a good family. Even though my parents were divorced I was still able to spend an equal amount of time with both of them. I had a great childhood and I spent the first nine years in California and then my family decided to move to Washington. At the time I was devastated but the move gave me the best memories, friends and experiences that I will hold onto for a lifetime. I graduated high school in 2015 and decided to go off to college. I already had my AA degree and decided to aim to finish up my prerequisites for nursing school. This seemed like exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Everything seemed like it was falling into place.

In August of 2017 is when my life started to change. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. This allowed me to see myself in a different light. The career I once wanted didn’t seem like my own anymore. I felt like I was chasing a dream that was distant from what I had imagined for myself. So, I decided to not go to nursing school and go back and finish up my bachelor’s degree. This was not an easy decision but the doubt I was feeling was consuming who I was and who I am meant to be. In November, my life took a turn for the worse when my dad passed away suddenly. This was by far the experience that changed me the most. To this day, I am not fully healed. I don’t imagine myself healing completely now if ever. It’s more of a lifestyle change to become accustomed to. & there are some days I still feel like I’m not okay. But, I’ve learned so much about myself and developed such a closer relationship to God because of it. During this time I also got involved with another guy who left me even more broken than I was before.

Why am I telling you this…

I want to share a small part of who I am and some of the events I have been through that have shaped me into who I am today. I am lucky, it could’ve been worse. But, it could’ve been a whole lot better too. & this is my story.

I am still learning, growing and continuing on my life journey to become my authentic self. I don’t know if anyone will even read my blog. & it is not my intention to have an immaculate blog. I aspire to give people hope for a better future despite their circumstances. & let me tell you that no matter what there will always be hope.

“You aren’t what’s happened to you, you are how you’ve overcome it.” -Beau Taplin

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