I often think about the deep pain I’ve experienced as being meant for something more. It’s meant to help someone who is struggling more than I am. It’s meant to bring me character growth like nothing else ever could.
It might be difficult to look forward when you are so use to looking back. But, I promise you God will be there to keep you going. Nothing is impossible with him by your side.
God, provide me with what I need most. & heal my heart & soul from pain & sorrow. Please, allow the hurt that I have felt help mold my character & turn it into something good in my life.
“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’ ”
God, thank you for providing me with godly loving people in my life. Thank you for allowing my strengths to help them in times of weakness. & thank you for supplying me with those people that can help me in any area that I am not strong in. I pray that you will continue to provide me with people who will encourage me to grow in my faith & into who you want me to be
“We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints.”
Colossians 1:3-4 EVS
I’m so excited to focus on you & my goals. I can’t wait to become a therapist and aid people in overcoming life’s most challenging obstacles while encouraging them to become their best self. I can’t wait to learn about all of the ways I can make this a reality in school. With you by my side & your unfailing strength I can tackle graduate school.
I would love to work in private practice because it would allow me to personalize the population I could work with which would be specifically with children. I would like to further my education after getting my master’s degree in order to be up to date with new knowledge and become the best professional possible for my clients.
I would like to write books in order to help people that I can’t reach personally feel like they aren’t alone in their circumstances. Overall I would love to accomplish all of these career goals in my lifetime. But, I only want to do this if you are at the center of these goals and you see that they honor you. I will work hard. I will become my most exceptional self. I will become a true follower of you. & I will strive for that to be reflected in everything and anything I do. I want to become who you want me to be.
I will grow spiritually by enhancing my relationship with you and project it unto other people. I will not give up. I will look to you in times of weakness. I will look to you in times of strength. I want to please you. I don’t want to be full of resentment and bitterness but be full of love, patience, kindness & humbleness.
God, you have given me so many wonderful things to be thankful for including who you made me to be. I feel like I have the ability to make a difference in this world in some way even if it’s small. I want to do what I have been put on this earth to endure and succeed with the plan you have for me. I want to grow into who I am. You put me here with so much purpose, not to just to develop my character thoroughly but to help others do the same. My hardships have only made me stronger. My love for you and others has only grown. Help me to follow you and continue on this wonderful path through this extraordinary life you have given me.
This is a prayer that I wrote out the other day. I challenge you to write out one of your biggest goals you have and lift it up to God. You are not alone in accomplishing this even if it seems next to impossible. God is there to strengthen and direct you when you need it!
P.S. These are just my career goals. I have other life goals as well. It is also important to note that goals do change over time & that is okay. There are a variety of goals can you have whether it be fitness related, in your career or any other aspect of your life. We need each other & God to help guide us to achieve our goals! Ask for help & set a goal that resonates with you.
1 Chronicles 16:11
“Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.”
On a dark gloomy day a part of me was taken away. Who I was to the core was shaken because someone believed that what they wanted was far superior than my own choice. Didn’t you lead him on? You already had sex with him what is the big deal? I can hear all of the voices entering my mind all at once. They soon begin to alter my perspective on the situation. Maybe it really was my fault. Maybe I am to blame.
I felt like this person cared about me and respected me enough that when I had said “no” countless times that the answer was simply no. I had made up my mind before the night began and stood by my decision as it ended. I was drinking but I was still repeating the word over & over again. He said he understood my answer. He got upset that I kept having to remind him. But, he waited for the opportunity when “no” had stopped being uttered as frequently and took it as a “yes.” Pure shock entered my body. I don’t remember how long it took to get him off of me. All I know is that the memory faded as soon as it began. Although, I vaguely recall him say “I’m sorry.”
All I could think was sorry? SORRY? I can’t believe this, my heart was beating so fast I don’t even remember what happened next and then I woke up the next day. I got enough courage to look him in the face and tell him to leave. He tried to apologize again. He tried to reach out but he was also blaming me for the encounter. It was my fault? How could’ve I made myself more clear? He just wanted me he had said. He just wanted to be with me.
No. You never truly know how little sorry means until someone hurts you to the center of your being. When all you want to do is shout out “NO YOU ARE NOT!” People think sorry will fix things or make you feel better when clearly what they did was beyond wrong. That was the first time in my life when I didn’t want an apology. I wanted more. I wanted him in all honestly to rewind time and take it all back. I wanted to forget that it happened and be able to forget him and move on with my life. Life doesn’t just go on when you want it to and the past can’t be erased or redone.
After months of trying to process this I knew I had to forgive. Forgive? I mean come on God there has to be another way. How could I forgive someone who knew the kind of pain I was already going through and decided to add on to it? The bottom line is that forgiving him wasn’t about him. It wasn’t about his actions or words being my definition of okay. It was about me. It was about being free from living through it again and again. Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight and it might take longer than expected. But, forgiving him fully without resentment was what ultimately relieved the pain and sorrow associated with him and that night.
This was a blessing in disguise. This was what made me fully commit to wait until marriage until I slept with someone else. It was the pain that unraveled inside me that has made me grow into the person for the right man. & most importantly it brought me closer to God’s plan for me.
I dodged a bullet. I learned a lesson. & it has made me stronger. It has made me wiser. Pain is never meant to be wasted. It is meant to be exposed and when doing so you will walk away with much more than anything you could’ve ever got.
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”
Often I find myself holding onto people or things that don’t belong in my life anymore. I want to keep old friends or old clothes that no longer reflect who I am. I am doing myself a disservice if I preserve parts of my life that are no longer meant for me. Maybe they were at a time. There are friends that have helped me through some difficult obstacles in my life. Does that mean that I should always be friends with them? Or there are clothes that use to be my favorite thing to wear, but now my style has altered. Should I keep them just in case?
No, to both of those questions. If you hold onto everything you own and everyone that crosses your path you will end up fighting a battle within yourself. The you that is evolving needs change. The you that is transforming into someone more ambitious, loving, patient, or any other kind of characteristic you are interested in is itching to grow. Sometimes certain aspects of your life can be kept and you can still progress in life. However, it is necessary to let go when you know you should.
It can take time. Don’t expect yourself to be able to “get over it.” Don’t dwell on it either. It is important to note that better things, better people and better opportunities are coming. It may not seem that way in the moment, but the instant you allow yourself to let go is when you can begin becoming your most exceptional self.
“…a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away…”
Do you ever get jealous of someone? When we perceive another person we typically pick apart their weakest points or only consider the strengths that they put on display. We don’t usually see who they are when no one is around or what kinds of inner struggles they might have.
Honestly, I think most people who we think we know we really don’t. There is pain that many people tend to keep to themselves & or failures that they don’t share. Every single person has something they aren’t proud of or something they wouldn’t like to admit. Acknowledge that people may have been presented difficult obstacles to maneuver in their lives & or internal roadblocks that keep them from who they are. How we see someone is often not who they truly are.
In order to minimize envy, become more grateful for who you were created to be. & love others for how God shaped them to be. Look to God to help you enhance gratitude in your life. Sometimes you are better than who you were yesterday and that is who you should always aim to be.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…”
Are you exceptionally hard on yourself? Don’t be so critical of yourself that you become depressed and full of anxiety about your outward appearance or your internal motives. Cherish the battle scars you have, be grateful for the lessons you have learned and love who you are today.
I normally hold myself on this pedestal that I have to act and be a certain way. & if I’m not, then I start to harshly judge who I am. It’s been an uphill battle coming to terms with who I am and who society would want me to be. & it has also been a challenge to learn how to not be so hard on myself when I make a mistake. Instead, I ask myself, what I can learn from this mistake in order to not repeat it? How can I better myself? How can I grow from this?
Don’t have impossible expectations for yourself, rather love who you are & who God made you to be. You possess a combination of skills and talents that no one else does. So, build upon your strengths. God didn’t make you to be anyone else. Everyone on this earth has a weakness. Don’t let your weakness be the voice in your head telling you that you aren’t good enough. Be good enough every day. Be who you are and grow from who you were. Your experiences make you unique, embrace them.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
I think demonstrating patience is one of my biggest weaknesses. There are quite a few instances where I can grow tired of waiting. & I know that I am not the only one that struggles with being patient. Our society lives for instant gratification. But, you know what I realized in all of the times I’ve had to wait? That I am practicing patience and in doing so it has strengthened my character and mindset.
There’s a reason why God usually makes us wait. When I get easily angered in my seasons of waiting, I take a step back & think, what has having to wait taught me so far? Take it as an opportunity to learn, grow and enhance your faith, who you are and other parts of your life. I would encourage you to seek God when becoming impatient. Don’t rely on yourself alone. Patience takes time to develop and a lifetime of practice.
“Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.”
It’s okay to start over. It’s okay to not want the things you once did. It’s okay to not know exactly what you want in life. It’s okay to live your life the way you want to. It’s okay because this is your life. You don’t want to go back & see all the decisions you should’ve made or all of the things you could’ve done. You will want to reflect back upon your life & be proud of the choices you made.
The way you feel matters. The way you think matters. Who you are matters. Don’t get caught up in what should be or what could be, but look at who you are now. Concentrate on the person you have become, the way life is going in this moment & on the person God is transforming you to be. & if you don’t like who you are or don’t like what you are doing then begin a new you. Be more grateful, travel more & or do something you wouldn’t usually do. Live your life to its fullest ability. Do not be scared to start a brand new chapter with a different outlook on life. If you don’t decide now, you may never will.
“Though your beginning was insignificant, yet your end will increase greatly.”
You know the feeling when someone really hurts you? I don’t mean your feelings are just a bit wounded. I am talking about someone who completely rips out your heart and then throws it out in the street just to drive on over it again (okay, dramatic I know). If you haven’t gone through this type of heartbreak, I’m happy for you. It is one of the most painful obstacles you will ever have to maneuver through.
I’ve been hurt quite few times in my life by other people. Yeah, those have been sometimes damaging circumstances to work through. But, honestly compared to real heartbreak being hurt is a walk in the park. True heartbreak is something that I don’t want to ever have to go through again. But, I am SO glad I did. In the times where I looked in the mirror and tears were streaming down my face did I finally start recognizing who I was. In the midst of all of the pain, I realized that he wasn’t what I wanted and he lacked what I truly need in a man. It took time for me to heal and get to a place where I can say that I am fully over that part of my past.
However, for some time there was something holding me back….I wasn’t wholeheartedly forgiving. I was holding on to past resentment and it was not only hindering my ability to completely move on, but it was crippling my growth as a person. & sometimes I honestly believed I had forgiven him, but then I would feel bitterness towards him for breaking my heart. The truth was I had NOT forgiven him.
Until I was able to (with a lot of prayer) forgive him, I didn’t feel like I was able to move on entirely. & let me tell you…forgiving someone is so freeing. Whether they said sorry or not you should strive to forgive someone so that you can be free you from feeling that pain anymore. Sure, over time something might remind you of that person and you will feel a bit of a sting. But, it won’t be constant anymore, it won’t be at the center of your thoughts and feelings when you’re alone. Forgiveness will offer you more peace, hope and a brighter future.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”